Mark Zuckerberg's big Facebook announcement: What you need to know from his keynote speech

Big changes are coming to Facebook. What do those changes entail? We don’t know (though, like everyone, we have our suspicions). But we will know… soon. At 1 p.m. EST/10 PST, Mark Zuckerberg will deliver the keynote presentation of this year’s f8 conference. Expect news of partnerships, potentially including new Facebook Music and Facebook video-related deals. Watch the live-stream of the keynote starting at 1 p.m. EST/10 PST here. We’ll update this post as the revelations arrive.

1:16 — Andy Samberg is onstage pretending to be Mark Zuckerberg. He just made a Glee joke and a MySpace joke. This is how you know that you’re not watching an Apple event.

1:21 — The real Mark Zuckerberg just walked onstage and is laughing harder at the whole Samberg/Zuckerberg thing than anyone else. Hey, as far as crazy things for rich people to spend money on, it’s better than buying a private island and hunting people for sport.

1:23 — Andy Samberg/Fake-Zuckerberg is now doing Andy Samberg’s Mark Wahlberg impression. A wormhole is forming onstage.

1:24 — Zuckerberg: “Just last week, we had a pretty cool milestone at Facebook. For the first time ever, in a single day, we had half a billion people use Facebook.”

1:30 — Zuckerberg just announced an evolutionary leap forward for the Facebook Profile. “We’re calling it Timeline.” He claims it’s the next step from the Live-Stream. “Timeline is the story of your life.” He splits it into three things: “1) All your stories, 2) All your apps, 3) A new way to express who you are.”

1:31 — It appears to be a complete redesign. It look a little bit like msn.com. Anyone who has ever complained that navigating Facebook has become a confusing orgy of boxes will not be happy about this. It’s ambitious, certainly.

1:33 — Basically, Facebook Timeline basically rescues everything you have ever posted from the depths of your wall. You can feasibly scroll all the way down to a photo you added from 2007 very quickly.

1:34 — Zuckerberg: “It’s your whole life…it’s so simple.”

1:37 — Basically, Facebook Timeline is The Tree of Life without the dinosaurs.

1:39 — Zuckerberg is presenting all these changes by showing his own profile, which adds a nice personal touch, but also means this presentation could easily be titled “Mark Zuckerberg: My Awesome Life.” Bison burgers!

1:42 — “Timeline is a completely new aesthetic for Facebook.” It’s true — this is the most complete, least subtle redesign that Facebook has ever done.

1:44 — This has suddenly become a first-level videogame tutorial. Mind you, it’s a fascinating first-level videogame tutorial. “Hover over the gray dot,” says the man who changed how humanity interacts forever.

1:46 — Now showing a video about Timeline that shows one person’s entire life. It’s nice, but kind of feels like a weird attempt to one-up the famous “Parisian Wedding” Google commercial.

1:49 — “We’re gonna make it so you can connect to anything you want in any way you want.” Zuckerberg is announcing an evolution of the “Like” function. You no longer have to “Like” a movie — now, you can just “watch” a movie. Naturally, you still can’t “hate” a movie, but no reason to be negative when there’s advertising dollars on the line.

1:50 — I stand corrected. Zuckerberg claims to have added in “verbs.” Maybe you can “hate” something on Facebook. Intriguing.

1:54 — New Open Graph: “Frictionless experiences, realtime serendipity, and finding patterns.”

1:55 — “Frictionless experiences” means that, while you’re playing a game or using an app, you may never have to see one of those annoying “share this with your friends” pop-ups again.

1:57 — Spotify shout-out!